D umb Bugs
From Kirby Lindsay, June 11, 2003

    The Rains have started here. During Mondays drenching, I thought they might have arrived. After Tuesdays flooding, I became nearly convinced this must be it. Tonight, as I ran between raindrops from Casa Amiga 2 to find a bus, any bus, that might take me reasonably close to my house I realized that it had finally happened. The Rains have arrived.
    Each morning my routine consists of rolling out of bed to fumble my feet into flip flops. I stumble to the bathroom, pull clothes onto my body and brush my hair. Then I grab broom, dustpan and a plastic bag and rush down the steps to sweep my stoop. My haste is an attempt to arrive before the neighbor lady sweeps for me.
    WHY, you very rightly ask, don't I just let her? Good question. Guilt? She is an older lady (60's or 70's and looks 90) and has had and continues to have a hard life. Besides watering my plants when I am relaxing at the beach, she also is one of the neighbors with chickens (& roosters) and, you may remember, not much of a roof on her home. Poor? Probably but sometimes it is hard to tell - especially with a woman that keeps her house that clean.
    So, I rush out and if I am lucky we sweep at the same time and pass polite conversation. On Monday she said, 'Hot day?' and I answered non-commitally. In my first 15 minutes of consciousness, weather is not one of the things I can consider.
    In my second 15 minutes of life, while scrubbing the patio, I nearly passed out from the heat. Monday was easily the hottest day I have ever experienced here - far surpassing the previous two thursdays when I lay on my sofa in a puddle of sweat contemplating my own mortality. However, by the thermometer, it was probably much cooler. Sitting in front of the electric fan, I felt cold.
    Humidity. It really isn't that hot if you just...don't...move... at all. Take a deep breath and watch the room swim before your eyes.
    So what do I decide to do? You guessed it. I went out. Two blocks from the house I felt my knees giving out. I ended up paying a taxi to take me 8 blocks. Did I feel stupid? Oh, sure. You bet.
    Monday night the rain sheeted down and I watched, grinning, as my patio became a small lake. I smiled as a small river formed across my living room floor. I chuckled to discover the waterfall in the kitchen. That'll beat the heat.
    Tuesday I went to Cofradia to visit Lourdes. We talked about the weather, of course, and she asked me if Colima was filled with 'sacudos' (mosquitos) and 'bichos' (bugs) now? Perplexed, I replied that we always have bugs - millions and millions and millions of them. But now that the rains have come, I smiled, they'll all go away. She gave me the 'funny' look then left to take care of one of her kids that had begun to shout. I looked out at the thickening clouds and chuckled at my wisdom.
    Arriving home, ahead of the monsoon that was drenching Cofradia when I left but hadn't arrived in Colima, yet, I sat down at the computer to work (What a Miracle!) I sat down, and became swarmed by flying ants.
    I know, I know, some of you think spiders are the scariest. I know many of you think roaches (cucarachos) are the grossest. I've seen a scorpion and I'll admit, they are ugly with a capital Ugh! However, ants are worse.
    It isn't that they do anything and, except for the red ones WHICH HURT, they don't bite. The problem is that there are billions, and billions, and billions of them - an infinity. They come in thousands of shapes and sizes and colors. And they are indestructible.
    Now, what is worse than ants? Flying ants? And what is the worst thing about flying ants? They are dumb. I'm not talking turkey-dumb. I'm not even saying sheep-dumb. I'm saying that the tile floor of this Internet Cafe is Einstein by comparison.
    I think they grow and lose wings by the second. They soar through the air like leaves flitting around in a dust storm - with less sense of direction. But what is the worst? What is the A#1 reason these creatures deserve to be eradicated from the face of the planet - and jettisoned from our solar system? THEY LAND ON ME AND WON'T GO AWAY!!!
    I brush them off my arm, they flit to my face, I slap my face and five appear on my shirt - or is that their wings? You can brush at them and flick at them and unless you actually squash them - THEY DON'T TAKE A HINT!!! Unfortunately, the learning curve after death goes a little flat.
    Dumb.
    I sent them outside, they came in. I sent them farther outside, they blithered around like spinning tops. This morning I planned to sweep up their thousands of little wings that littered my floor - only to find that the wings flitter around the same way even loose. They are impervious to direction.
    How dare I suggest I am competent to judge the mental abilities of another creature? Well, listen to this.
    I have been waiting and waiting. Praying and praying. For the rain to start. Rain, that I know pours down on our heads like God tipping huge plastic swimming pools of the stuff. Did I once consider that while the heat goes down with the rain, the humidity goes up? Uh. Did I think about how, being without a car, this might curb my own activities since walking in this stuff will drench you, your belongings and your interior organs clear through in 28 seconds - give or take (mostly take) 27 seconds? Well. Did I bother to realize that ants, being impervious to poison, fire and stomping, might also be impervious to water? Oh.
    Okay, so I may be dumber than the flying ants. But I have so many other, endearing qualities...give me a minute and I will think of one...um, well, yea...
    Oops. Ran out of time.
    Kirb-

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